Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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