We're like a lot better than the average bears
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
