he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
