im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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