I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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