Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your shirt... Was in my pants
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
