I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
