I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
