its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
