Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
