Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We have so much sex to catch up on
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
