I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize