help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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