I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
