Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
