2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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