no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
