This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
