Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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