I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
