I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
