I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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