i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
