you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
