Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Randomize
