last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.