Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
