Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She needs sedatives and a leash
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
