I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
