Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
