Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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