he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
