What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
