Pappa wants mamma naked
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
