You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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