if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
