dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
