i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i've created a new STD.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
