Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
