Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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