After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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