her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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