This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
