I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
