I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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