There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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