Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
