just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
