Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
