the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
