I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
