Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
