Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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