i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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