i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
