Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
