I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I did not marry a roomba.
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