Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
