Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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