Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
