Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
