Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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