I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
