thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
