I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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