what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
