what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
