there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
