After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
