3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
