before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You ruined the universe
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
