who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
