he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
