Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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