I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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