The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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