You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize